It got insane again. A different breed of insane. My biggest internal struggle of the day is whether or not I should take off my headphones and smile at the guy around my age standing next to me on the train platform because we’re both very obviously just overdressed kids in suits and heels wishing we were being whisked away into an epic adventure rather than an office. I’m not mad. I really enjoy my job. It’s just a massive shift. And when things shift, I implode. I never sit around being like wah wah wah I really want a boyfriend, but I just had this flash of “holy shit I wanna be on a couch in an apartment eating tacos with a sexy man.” How does that even work? How to people get to the point where they’re like “yes, we’re dating.” I hate the idea of dating because it has a beginning and an end. We meet. We hang out a bunch. It either works out or it doesn’t and someone, at some point will inevitably declare that it doesn’t anymore. And that is unsettling. This is why I’ve always excelled in long distance friends with benefits scenarios. God that sounds terrible doesn’t it? How did this rant even turn to dating? I don’t want to live with my parents anymore. I was fine forever and then suddenly I got a new job and now I want to retreat into my own world for a while. I don’t have time in the day to have thoughts and then I come home and have to interact with all of these clashing personalities and it is just EXHAUSTING. There’s a lot going on. I will probably be stoned all weekend. That’ll be nice.